not much to update on. And I don't think anyone's reading this blog, so it's tough to keep up with updates!
Saw my OB last week and she wants me to start being a little bit more active. I already have been, walking up/down the stairs quite frequently throughout the day, and taking more and more risks. So I'll just keep it up.
the most interesting part of the appointment was that my OB wants to start doing checks around 36 weeks. usually she would start at 38 weeks, and I am personally against poking around without purpose ("if it ain't broke, don't fix it" or don't go looking for things to fix) but she wants to see if I am dilated and possibly induce to ensure I cam deliver in the hospital instead of at home, as she thinks I will labour extremely quickly!
We'll talk about it some more.. that's if I make it that far. But really hoping I won't need to be induced...
Monday 24 October 2016
Tuesday 11 October 2016
30 weeks + 4
My latest OB appointment took place at 29+5. It was pretty uneventful. A few notable things:
- by 32 weeks, my OB would like me to start being a little bit more active, walk a little bit more, in order to minimize muscle deconditioning.
- She was very hopeful and said that she thinks I can make it to full term!This is a stark contrast from the last time we talked about this; she was very realistic in saying that there was a high chance of delivering early, before 32 weeks, but it was still possible to go to full term. She may have said kind of 50-50% chances. But at 29+5, she was very positive, very excited about my progress!
- we re-tested my urine - found out today, no infection!
- last ultrasound scheduled around 34 weeks
- I learned that up until 34-35 weeks, I will need to deliver in the operating room in case baby needs to be resuscitated.
something silly I should mention is that i've been wearing panty liners constantly since starting progesterone. I've read over and over again that other women do this too, so I didn't think anything of it. Well, my OB pointed out that the liners may be contributing to infections (I've always been very prone to them anyway), and I have in fact had to have 2 rounds of antibiotics due to infection found in my urine during this pregnancy. I stopped using panty liners altogether and even learned that I really don't need them during the day anyway. Plus, not using a panty liner makes it easier to monitor for slow leaks in amniotic fluid which is one of my greatest fears.
About increasing activity starting at 32 weeks, I'm a bit hesitant about this. While I feel so much better making it past 30 weeks, and feel so good about how baby will do if baby were to come any moment now, I still want to avoid NICU time altogether if possible. I have a hard time accepting that I may be increasing activity and risking early labour when it can be prevented. The idea of having a baby born and whisked away to NICU immediately just breaks my heart. I want the same experience as last time... immediate skin-to-skin, baby was never more than 2 metres away from my, immediate breastfeeding. I still have a lot of anxiety about how everything will go if baby has to be resuscitated or go to NICU instead....
I have also been wondering about what to pack in my hospital bag. I've packed only for myself, because don't babies not wear clothing while in NICU? Do they provide diapers? i've been told NICU does. Even if enough for just 1 day, which would give DH enough time to pick up what is needed.
But will I show up at labour and delivery and be judged for packing a bag for myself and not baby?
I just feel like packing too much will make me attach myself to the idea of baby coming early. I am trying to stay positive and believe that we can still make it farther. But I know I need to be realistic too...
I keep recalculating and rethinking the numbers these days. I think I've gotten to the point where it's become motivating rather than discouraging. To think, there's only about 6 weeks left until FULL TERM! (And really, I'm just aiming for 36 weeks for the time being) That sounds like 'nothing', especially compared to the 12 weeks that have gone by, 3+ weeks of hospitalization, during which I am worried every moment about going into labour. I am hoping the next 6 weeks pass by more quickly, as there will be so much to be positive about.
- 32 weeks has been my next goal, and it doesn't feel that far away anymore.
- at 33 weeks, I hope to take my son trick-or-treating (pushed in a wheelchair by my parents)
- By 34-35 weeks, I may not need to deliver in the operating room anymore
- By 35-36 weeks, we are celebrating my son's 2nd birthday!
- By 36 weeks, my OB wants me to resume regular activities! Maybe I will get to lift my son and take him to the park!
With Halloween, and my son's birthday coming up, I feel so excited about the upcoming month.
And to think, in exactly 1 month from today, I will be 35 weeks pregnant. I will feel already as though I've beat this thing. For once, one month feels like a real possibility.
something else to feel positive about... although this is my first week of decreased pay (week #7 of being off work), we just found out that DH has likely been promoted at work!
Overall things are pretty uneventful these days - and for this, I am grateful. I am just so, so grateful with every day that passes, and feeling more hope that things will be ok, regardless of the outcome. I've read endless positive and hopeful stories on the facebook groups that have helped me keep my sanity - stories about preemie babies, stories about going full term. Staying realistic though, I'm mentally preparing for labour by reading labouring books, including reading on hypnotherapy, and getting used to planning as though baby can come any moment. But I think everything is going to be ok. And I am so excited to meet little one in the upcoming weeks.
- by 32 weeks, my OB would like me to start being a little bit more active, walk a little bit more, in order to minimize muscle deconditioning.
- She was very hopeful and said that she thinks I can make it to full term!This is a stark contrast from the last time we talked about this; she was very realistic in saying that there was a high chance of delivering early, before 32 weeks, but it was still possible to go to full term. She may have said kind of 50-50% chances. But at 29+5, she was very positive, very excited about my progress!
- we re-tested my urine - found out today, no infection!
- last ultrasound scheduled around 34 weeks
- I learned that up until 34-35 weeks, I will need to deliver in the operating room in case baby needs to be resuscitated.
something silly I should mention is that i've been wearing panty liners constantly since starting progesterone. I've read over and over again that other women do this too, so I didn't think anything of it. Well, my OB pointed out that the liners may be contributing to infections (I've always been very prone to them anyway), and I have in fact had to have 2 rounds of antibiotics due to infection found in my urine during this pregnancy. I stopped using panty liners altogether and even learned that I really don't need them during the day anyway. Plus, not using a panty liner makes it easier to monitor for slow leaks in amniotic fluid which is one of my greatest fears.
About increasing activity starting at 32 weeks, I'm a bit hesitant about this. While I feel so much better making it past 30 weeks, and feel so good about how baby will do if baby were to come any moment now, I still want to avoid NICU time altogether if possible. I have a hard time accepting that I may be increasing activity and risking early labour when it can be prevented. The idea of having a baby born and whisked away to NICU immediately just breaks my heart. I want the same experience as last time... immediate skin-to-skin, baby was never more than 2 metres away from my, immediate breastfeeding. I still have a lot of anxiety about how everything will go if baby has to be resuscitated or go to NICU instead....
I have also been wondering about what to pack in my hospital bag. I've packed only for myself, because don't babies not wear clothing while in NICU? Do they provide diapers? i've been told NICU does. Even if enough for just 1 day, which would give DH enough time to pick up what is needed.
But will I show up at labour and delivery and be judged for packing a bag for myself and not baby?
I just feel like packing too much will make me attach myself to the idea of baby coming early. I am trying to stay positive and believe that we can still make it farther. But I know I need to be realistic too...
I keep recalculating and rethinking the numbers these days. I think I've gotten to the point where it's become motivating rather than discouraging. To think, there's only about 6 weeks left until FULL TERM! (And really, I'm just aiming for 36 weeks for the time being) That sounds like 'nothing', especially compared to the 12 weeks that have gone by, 3+ weeks of hospitalization, during which I am worried every moment about going into labour. I am hoping the next 6 weeks pass by more quickly, as there will be so much to be positive about.
- 32 weeks has been my next goal, and it doesn't feel that far away anymore.
- at 33 weeks, I hope to take my son trick-or-treating (pushed in a wheelchair by my parents)
- By 34-35 weeks, I may not need to deliver in the operating room anymore
- By 35-36 weeks, we are celebrating my son's 2nd birthday!
- By 36 weeks, my OB wants me to resume regular activities! Maybe I will get to lift my son and take him to the park!
With Halloween, and my son's birthday coming up, I feel so excited about the upcoming month.
And to think, in exactly 1 month from today, I will be 35 weeks pregnant. I will feel already as though I've beat this thing. For once, one month feels like a real possibility.
something else to feel positive about... although this is my first week of decreased pay (week #7 of being off work), we just found out that DH has likely been promoted at work!
Overall things are pretty uneventful these days - and for this, I am grateful. I am just so, so grateful with every day that passes, and feeling more hope that things will be ok, regardless of the outcome. I've read endless positive and hopeful stories on the facebook groups that have helped me keep my sanity - stories about preemie babies, stories about going full term. Staying realistic though, I'm mentally preparing for labour by reading labouring books, including reading on hypnotherapy, and getting used to planning as though baby can come any moment. But I think everything is going to be ok. And I am so excited to meet little one in the upcoming weeks.
Monday 3 October 2016
29 weeks + 3
I haven't updated in a while, so here's a quick, quick update... More to follow after my OB appointment on Wednesday Oct 5.
being at home has been tough.
for one thing, i am starting to feel a bit depressed. Hearing sounds from the outside world reminds me that I'm stick in here. I feel useless and unproductive. I feel immense guilt for not working and not being able to take care of things at home. I feel terrible that DH has to do everything around the house, on top of renovations and his stressful job.
Secondly, on weekends, I spend all my time downstairs on the main floor where there is no bathroom, because that's where DS hangs out. That means going up/down a flight of stairs about hourly to go to the washroom. Makes me so nervous.
We tried to go to the park on the weekend. It was a bit of a nightmare. DH pushed me in the wheelchair while I pushed DS on his tricycle (because he insisted on being in his tricycle). But after about 20 minutes of course I had to go to the bathroom, so we had to head back shortly after.
With my time now, I've been mentally and spiritually preparing for labour. I prepared my birth plan (which I wasn't going to prepare but my doula insists the hospital staff reads it), I've finished re-reading a couple of my books, and started reading up on hypnobirthing and meditating.
But meditation has been challenging because I find it hard to focus.
I've started making paintings for baby, as well as a few for DS.
Overall I am so, so grateful that I have made it this far. No signs of labour. Next goal is half a week away, 30 weeks!
being at home has been tough.
for one thing, i am starting to feel a bit depressed. Hearing sounds from the outside world reminds me that I'm stick in here. I feel useless and unproductive. I feel immense guilt for not working and not being able to take care of things at home. I feel terrible that DH has to do everything around the house, on top of renovations and his stressful job.
Secondly, on weekends, I spend all my time downstairs on the main floor where there is no bathroom, because that's where DS hangs out. That means going up/down a flight of stairs about hourly to go to the washroom. Makes me so nervous.
We tried to go to the park on the weekend. It was a bit of a nightmare. DH pushed me in the wheelchair while I pushed DS on his tricycle (because he insisted on being in his tricycle). But after about 20 minutes of course I had to go to the bathroom, so we had to head back shortly after.
With my time now, I've been mentally and spiritually preparing for labour. I prepared my birth plan (which I wasn't going to prepare but my doula insists the hospital staff reads it), I've finished re-reading a couple of my books, and started reading up on hypnobirthing and meditating.
But meditation has been challenging because I find it hard to focus.
I've started making paintings for baby, as well as a few for DS.
Overall I am so, so grateful that I have made it this far. No signs of labour. Next goal is half a week away, 30 weeks!
Friday 23 September 2016
28 weeks
so many thoughts... so much gratitude. I wasn't sure I'd make it this far.
on Wednesday, Sept 21, at 27+5, I saw my OB, and had another u/s. 0.3 cm. That's the best I could hope for. No change in 2 and a half weeks. My OB said: the only question is how much longer you stay in the hospital, and I immediately asked if I go home. Funny, 2 weeks ago I was asking whether I could stay beyond 28 weeks. But by now I had had enough.
I went home immediately. Home sweet home. Home has never been so sweet. I have never in my life been away from home for 17 days (unless I was moving to a new home).
My first morning back, DS ran into the room happily while I was still in bed, just like he always had, just like I had never left. Except now, I discovered, he has learned to say "Mommy, Get up!". No more sleeping in like in the hospital!
Yesterday I was feeling quite low though for some reason. Possible reasons:
- Maybe because I went back to bed after DS went to daycare. Sleeping in always makes me feel badly about myself
- i was too isolated at the hospital, didn't have to talk to my family. Now I do, and little things they say irritate me
- my mom can be annoying. and I am around her more now (they are here from out of town helping out)
- maybe DH has been particularly stressed and irritable lately too.
- Mostly I believe it is this: at home i am constantly reminded of how useless/helpless I am. I am totally dependent on my loved ones whom I've displaced and inconvenienced.
Or it's just I've been getting gradually more depressed, maybe it has nothing to do with returning home. I can't concentrate worth a shit these days. I can't meditate. I am not able to enjoy the present moment. I think i am getting progressively impatient and frustrated. At times I have the ludicrous thought that I want the baby to come because then some normalcy in my activities would resume. I wouldn't have to be so dependent. But then I want to give myself a good hard slap or five in my face for thinking such a selfish thought. Of course it would not be good for anyone long term if baby is born now and has any kind of disability from the extreme prematurity. But how to stay positive now?
Why am I not ecstatic that I have lasted this long when everyone was starting to severely doubt 2.5 weeks ago?? I am so ungrateful. I never thought in a million years I would get to this point and wish the journey would end here. And at the same time, of course I don't. How could I be so impatient? What an odd feeling, what odd thoughts. I've truly surprised myself.
on Wednesday, Sept 21, at 27+5, I saw my OB, and had another u/s. 0.3 cm. That's the best I could hope for. No change in 2 and a half weeks. My OB said: the only question is how much longer you stay in the hospital, and I immediately asked if I go home. Funny, 2 weeks ago I was asking whether I could stay beyond 28 weeks. But by now I had had enough.
I went home immediately. Home sweet home. Home has never been so sweet. I have never in my life been away from home for 17 days (unless I was moving to a new home).
My first morning back, DS ran into the room happily while I was still in bed, just like he always had, just like I had never left. Except now, I discovered, he has learned to say "Mommy, Get up!". No more sleeping in like in the hospital!
Yesterday I was feeling quite low though for some reason. Possible reasons:
- Maybe because I went back to bed after DS went to daycare. Sleeping in always makes me feel badly about myself
- i was too isolated at the hospital, didn't have to talk to my family. Now I do, and little things they say irritate me
- my mom can be annoying. and I am around her more now (they are here from out of town helping out)
- maybe DH has been particularly stressed and irritable lately too.
- Mostly I believe it is this: at home i am constantly reminded of how useless/helpless I am. I am totally dependent on my loved ones whom I've displaced and inconvenienced.
Or it's just I've been getting gradually more depressed, maybe it has nothing to do with returning home. I can't concentrate worth a shit these days. I can't meditate. I am not able to enjoy the present moment. I think i am getting progressively impatient and frustrated. At times I have the ludicrous thought that I want the baby to come because then some normalcy in my activities would resume. I wouldn't have to be so dependent. But then I want to give myself a good hard slap or five in my face for thinking such a selfish thought. Of course it would not be good for anyone long term if baby is born now and has any kind of disability from the extreme prematurity. But how to stay positive now?
I keep playing around with the numbers though. 12 weeks to due date but only 9 weeks to full term. Single digits. Sounds surmountable. But yet I have been on this journey for 9.5 weeks and it feels like an eternity, like I can bear no more. I am only half way through, is that all?? But going from 24-28 was such a huge milestone. It meant everything to me. That's maybe the problem. It meant too much. I have made it, and have to go on, still? How much more of this torturous journey? And yet of course it's wonderful that I made it another 4 weeks!! But I have to make it another 4… and then another….
I am not bored for a second but I am starting to feel so down about being unproductive, useless, helpless
....
ok, so most of that was written yesterday. I think the shock of returning home and realizing how useless I am has settled a bit. It was a huge contrast from being alone and managing alone for so long. But today, my mood returned to normal.
Yesterday I purchased a baby book and a daily planner to write daily notes to my baby. I had promised myself these gifts when I reached 28 weeks, because it would mean that baby would likely grow up to be literate. Before 28 weeks, I wasn't too sure and didn't want to face the disappointment...
I think being back with DS has really lifted my spirits. I see how much I missed him, remember how much joy he brings me.
But the anxiety is in full force. I worry about going into labour constantly. My next visit to L&D, I think baby will come. No more false alarms and being sent home, or being admitted for monitoring. I feel like my chances are up.
I also realized I am extremely allergic to my home! in the hospital I barely touched a kleenex in the whole time I stayed there. Now I am constantly sneezing, sniffly, ad blowing my nose and every single time, I worry about my cervix shortening, about baby falling out.... I worry when DS climbs up on me. I worry when I sit upright too long, I worry when I have to get up from low surfaces (which happens all the time at home apparently), and I worry when I have to go up/down the stairs. I don't know how much longer I can last like this... Only time will tell.
....
ok, so most of that was written yesterday. I think the shock of returning home and realizing how useless I am has settled a bit. It was a huge contrast from being alone and managing alone for so long. But today, my mood returned to normal.
Yesterday I purchased a baby book and a daily planner to write daily notes to my baby. I had promised myself these gifts when I reached 28 weeks, because it would mean that baby would likely grow up to be literate. Before 28 weeks, I wasn't too sure and didn't want to face the disappointment...
I think being back with DS has really lifted my spirits. I see how much I missed him, remember how much joy he brings me.
But the anxiety is in full force. I worry about going into labour constantly. My next visit to L&D, I think baby will come. No more false alarms and being sent home, or being admitted for monitoring. I feel like my chances are up.
I also realized I am extremely allergic to my home! in the hospital I barely touched a kleenex in the whole time I stayed there. Now I am constantly sneezing, sniffly, ad blowing my nose and every single time, I worry about my cervix shortening, about baby falling out.... I worry when DS climbs up on me. I worry when I sit upright too long, I worry when I have to get up from low surfaces (which happens all the time at home apparently), and I worry when I have to go up/down the stairs. I don't know how much longer I can last like this... Only time will tell.
Sunday 18 September 2016
27 weeks + 2 - waiting
Still waiting. Still no changes. So I remain eternally grateful.
It is a little unbelievable that I've made it this far. 2 weeks ago I was being treated as though the baby would come in the next few days. I really jumped the gun in telling work I would not be back, and telling my doctor I want to stay in hospital as long as possible to prevent preterm labour.
Staff kept telling me I would stay here until 28 weeks and then there was no point in staying, but I wanted to stay. I was so worried about baby coming any moment.
I feel quite differently now. Partly it is because I am further along, and have heard so many positive stories about kids being born between 27-28 weeks. I feel much more comfortable with the idea of baby coming now. I suppose because I am farther along, have been cooking baby another 2 weeks despite an almost non existent cervix (likely non existent by now), I feel a little more comfortable in getting up and moving around. I spend most of the day in reclined seated position in bed but I do walk around for the bathroom, to get water, and once per day I go downstairs for food. Big contrast from my initial arrival when I walked only to the washroom and stayed lying down at all times.
Secondly, I must just be getting stir crazy. I have been in The hospital for 2 full weeks now and I am missing my son. I see him about an hour daily but of course that's not the same as being at home.
I am even wondering if return to work in some modified fashion may be a possibility but I don't like the idea of dealing with added stress and luckily, neither does my supportive husband, however a decrease in pay is weighing on me. 3 more weeks of full pay and then there will be a decrease to 60%. But then again, will I make it another 3 weeks?
Weeks ago I said if I made it that far, I won't care about the money because I will be so happy that baby is still cooking. But that was when 30 weeks seemed unattainable. Now that it is a possibility , I guess I am being more realistic about my financial responsibilities.
I anxiously wait for Wednesday, 25 + 5. My next OB appointment. That day I find out my last cervix length measurement, and whether I get to go home, and the ongoing plan. I feel hopeful yet cautious. After all, most of my past appointments seem to have such devastating outcomes. How many times did I end up in the hospital after bad news from an appointment? Almost half the time? The other times, I seemed to just receive orders of more and more limited activity.
For now, I continue to focus my energy the same way that I have been doing for the past week and a half: lots of meditation and practising mindfulness, lots of appreciation for all the wonderful things and people in my life, the fact that we have made it this far. I am careful to consume mindfully and take care of myself physically, spiritually, and mentally. It's the only thing that would be right to do with all this extra time. I owe it to my loved ones as well as myself.
It is a little unbelievable that I've made it this far. 2 weeks ago I was being treated as though the baby would come in the next few days. I really jumped the gun in telling work I would not be back, and telling my doctor I want to stay in hospital as long as possible to prevent preterm labour.
Staff kept telling me I would stay here until 28 weeks and then there was no point in staying, but I wanted to stay. I was so worried about baby coming any moment.
I feel quite differently now. Partly it is because I am further along, and have heard so many positive stories about kids being born between 27-28 weeks. I feel much more comfortable with the idea of baby coming now. I suppose because I am farther along, have been cooking baby another 2 weeks despite an almost non existent cervix (likely non existent by now), I feel a little more comfortable in getting up and moving around. I spend most of the day in reclined seated position in bed but I do walk around for the bathroom, to get water, and once per day I go downstairs for food. Big contrast from my initial arrival when I walked only to the washroom and stayed lying down at all times.
Secondly, I must just be getting stir crazy. I have been in The hospital for 2 full weeks now and I am missing my son. I see him about an hour daily but of course that's not the same as being at home.
I am even wondering if return to work in some modified fashion may be a possibility but I don't like the idea of dealing with added stress and luckily, neither does my supportive husband, however a decrease in pay is weighing on me. 3 more weeks of full pay and then there will be a decrease to 60%. But then again, will I make it another 3 weeks?
Weeks ago I said if I made it that far, I won't care about the money because I will be so happy that baby is still cooking. But that was when 30 weeks seemed unattainable. Now that it is a possibility , I guess I am being more realistic about my financial responsibilities.
I anxiously wait for Wednesday, 25 + 5. My next OB appointment. That day I find out my last cervix length measurement, and whether I get to go home, and the ongoing plan. I feel hopeful yet cautious. After all, most of my past appointments seem to have such devastating outcomes. How many times did I end up in the hospital after bad news from an appointment? Almost half the time? The other times, I seemed to just receive orders of more and more limited activity.
For now, I continue to focus my energy the same way that I have been doing for the past week and a half: lots of meditation and practising mindfulness, lots of appreciation for all the wonderful things and people in my life, the fact that we have made it this far. I am careful to consume mindfully and take care of myself physically, spiritually, and mentally. It's the only thing that would be right to do with all this extra time. I owe it to my loved ones as well as myself.
Saturday 10 September 2016
26 weeks + 1
I think, I hope, it's going to be quiet for a while.
my doctor came to see my yesterday night. She said that we will just wait and see.
I told her my concerns about how I'll get to the other building to see her, and have to sit around and wait for an ultrasound and to see her at the office, as I usually lie down or sit very reclined right now, rather than sitting upright in chairs. She told me that can I skip this week and see her in 2 weeks, at 27+5 and do my last vaginal ultrasound for cervical check - there is not much purpose anymore. And I will stay in this "hospitality suite" in the hospital until 28 weeks.
I am relieved because that means no doctors changing orders on me or finding new things wrong. I know what I need to do until 27+5, there will be no more scares of vaginal ultrasounds showing yet shorter cervix and me feeling helpless and anxious about it.
For now, I just rest as much as possible while balancing getting up for circulation as I am not being put on prophylactic blood thinners.
I feel at peace for now, and try to enjoy the present moment, every moment that my baby keeps cooking a little longer, and I am grateful that my cervix has held out 7.5 weeks already in this journey, and that my family and friends have been so supportive.
Friday 9 September 2016
26 weeks - transfer of hospital rooms
I can barely believe I made it to 26 weeks. What a journey thus far. It truly has been teaching me ongoing patience, and awareness of each passing moment. Since my diagnosis of a short cervix at about 18 and a half weeks, I have been painfully aware of each moment. It has been 7.5 weeks of living like that. And hopefully more weeks to come...
The past few days have been very uneventful and at the same time very trying. I still to this day have not had any signs of early labour, and for that, I am forever grateful. The trying part is that I am still so conflicted about how much activity my body can take.
Starting on Wednesday (2 days ago), the unit doctors started telling me I should stay active, walk around, not stay in bed. This is totally conflicting with what my personal OB said since Sun/Monday which is to stay in bed except to go to the washroom. My OB came that evening, Wednesday night, and continued to agree with her original orders and agreed to speak to the unit staff. Well on Thursday morning, yesterday, the unit doctor again came and told me that it is ok to walk, that I do not need to stay in bed, that research does not support bed rest and that my activity will not impact my cervix.
i think that's bullshit.
even if it wasn't bullshit, why would i take the risk?
(and luckily, having a B.Sc. and a M.Sc, I know a thing or two about how research works, and all its flaws but I won't get into that....)
they believed in this so firmly that they moved me to a "hospitality suite" on a different floor where I no longer receive any medical attention whatsoever. I have to get my own meals, go down the street to see my OB at her office, wait in line with all the other patients for ultrasound and doctor, etc...
I didn't know these units existed. They are private, with some nice furnishings like a comfy, non-institutional-looking chair and lamp, photos on the wall, etc. I don't need to pay which is a huge, huge relief because the other room was costing $400/day. And now I will always be in close proximity to triage in case anything happens. I will stay here until 28 weeks.
but I am so worried about the moving. And yet I am so worried about not moving. Yesterday they were going to start me on a prophylactic dose of blood thinner injection. But then I was discharged. So now I constantly worry about blood clots, but I also constantly worry about moving too much!! It's terrible!
I also had to celebrate my birthday in hospital 2 days ago. When my family brought my son in, I kept commenting about how happy he seemed. My husband and father's response was "he's always this happy", to which I started questioning "am I forgetting my own son??". But it's always such a pleasure, so uplifting to see him. My beautiful, perfect bundle of joy.
My new digs:
The past few days have been very uneventful and at the same time very trying. I still to this day have not had any signs of early labour, and for that, I am forever grateful. The trying part is that I am still so conflicted about how much activity my body can take.
Starting on Wednesday (2 days ago), the unit doctors started telling me I should stay active, walk around, not stay in bed. This is totally conflicting with what my personal OB said since Sun/Monday which is to stay in bed except to go to the washroom. My OB came that evening, Wednesday night, and continued to agree with her original orders and agreed to speak to the unit staff. Well on Thursday morning, yesterday, the unit doctor again came and told me that it is ok to walk, that I do not need to stay in bed, that research does not support bed rest and that my activity will not impact my cervix.
i think that's bullshit.
even if it wasn't bullshit, why would i take the risk?
(and luckily, having a B.Sc. and a M.Sc, I know a thing or two about how research works, and all its flaws but I won't get into that....)
they believed in this so firmly that they moved me to a "hospitality suite" on a different floor where I no longer receive any medical attention whatsoever. I have to get my own meals, go down the street to see my OB at her office, wait in line with all the other patients for ultrasound and doctor, etc...
I didn't know these units existed. They are private, with some nice furnishings like a comfy, non-institutional-looking chair and lamp, photos on the wall, etc. I don't need to pay which is a huge, huge relief because the other room was costing $400/day. And now I will always be in close proximity to triage in case anything happens. I will stay here until 28 weeks.
but I am so worried about the moving. And yet I am so worried about not moving. Yesterday they were going to start me on a prophylactic dose of blood thinner injection. But then I was discharged. So now I constantly worry about blood clots, but I also constantly worry about moving too much!! It's terrible!
I also had to celebrate my birthday in hospital 2 days ago. When my family brought my son in, I kept commenting about how happy he seemed. My husband and father's response was "he's always this happy", to which I started questioning "am I forgetting my own son??". But it's always such a pleasure, so uplifting to see him. My beautiful, perfect bundle of joy.
My new digs:
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