30 weeks + 4

My latest OB appointment took place at 29+5. It was pretty uneventful. A few notable things:
- by 32 weeks, my OB would like me to start being a little bit more active, walk a little bit more, in order to minimize muscle deconditioning.
- She was very hopeful and said that she thinks I can make it to full term!This is a stark contrast from the last time we talked about this; she was very realistic in saying that there was a high chance of delivering early, before 32 weeks, but it was still possible to go to full term. She may have said kind of 50-50% chances. But at 29+5, she was very positive, very excited about my progress!
- we re-tested my urine - found out today, no infection!
- last ultrasound scheduled around 34 weeks
- I learned that up until 34-35 weeks, I will need to deliver in the operating room in case baby needs to be resuscitated.

something silly I should mention is that i've been wearing panty liners constantly since starting progesterone. I've read over and over again that other women do this too, so I didn't think anything of it. Well, my OB pointed out that the liners may be contributing to infections (I've always been very prone to them anyway), and I have in fact had to have 2 rounds of antibiotics due to infection found in my urine during this pregnancy. I stopped using panty liners altogether and even learned that I really don't need them during the day anyway. Plus, not using a panty liner makes it easier to monitor for slow leaks in amniotic fluid which is one of my greatest fears.

About increasing activity starting at 32 weeks, I'm a bit hesitant about this. While I feel so much better making it past 30 weeks, and feel so good about how baby will do if baby were to come any moment now, I still want to avoid NICU time altogether if possible. I have a hard time accepting that I may be increasing activity and risking early labour when it can be prevented. The idea of having a baby born and whisked away to NICU immediately just breaks my heart. I want the same experience as last time... immediate skin-to-skin, baby was never more than 2 metres away from my, immediate breastfeeding. I still have a lot of anxiety about how everything will go if baby has to be resuscitated or go to NICU instead....

I have also been wondering about what to pack in my hospital bag. I've packed only for myself, because don't babies not wear clothing while in NICU? Do they provide diapers? i've been told NICU does. Even if enough for just 1 day, which would give DH enough time to pick up what is needed.

But will I show up at labour and delivery and be judged for packing a bag for myself and not baby?

I just feel like packing too much will make me attach myself to the idea of baby coming early. I am trying to stay positive and believe that we can still make it farther. But I know I need to be realistic too...

I keep recalculating and rethinking the numbers these days. I think I've gotten to the point where it's become motivating rather than discouraging. To think, there's only about 6 weeks left until FULL TERM! (And really, I'm just aiming for 36 weeks for the time being) That sounds like 'nothing', especially compared to the 12 weeks that have gone by, 3+ weeks of hospitalization, during which I am worried every moment about going into labour. I am hoping the next 6 weeks pass by more quickly, as there will be so much to be positive about.
- 32 weeks has been my next goal, and it doesn't feel that far away anymore.
- at 33 weeks, I hope to take my son trick-or-treating (pushed in a wheelchair by my parents)
- By 34-35 weeks, I may not need to deliver in the operating room anymore
- By 35-36 weeks, we are celebrating my son's 2nd birthday!
- By 36 weeks, my OB wants me to resume regular activities! Maybe I will get to lift my son and take him to the park!

With Halloween, and my son's birthday coming up, I feel so excited about the upcoming month.
And to think, in exactly 1 month from today, I will be 35 weeks pregnant. I will feel already as though I've beat this thing. For once, one month feels like a real possibility.

something else to feel positive about... although this is my first week of decreased pay (week #7 of being off work), we just found out that DH has likely been promoted at work!

Overall things are pretty uneventful these days - and for this, I am grateful. I am just so, so grateful with every day that passes, and feeling more hope that things will be ok, regardless of the outcome. I've read endless positive and hopeful stories on the facebook groups that have helped me keep my sanity - stories about preemie babies, stories about going full term. Staying realistic though, I'm mentally preparing for labour by reading labouring books, including reading on hypnotherapy, and getting used to planning as though baby can come any moment. But I think everything is going to be ok. And I am so excited to meet little one in the upcoming weeks.