so this is the full story of what happened yesterday...
DS had gone to sleep already and DH and I were watching tv in bed. We kept hearing DS cough, so eventually, around 1030 pm DH went to bring him some water. As soon as he did, DS sat up and started crying, poor guy. Eventually I went to hold him in my lap while DH went to get him some milk. All of a sudden, i felt warm liquid between my legs - but he rarely pees out of his diaper.
I tell DH immediately. Either DS peed, or my water just broke.
being unsure, DH insists we go into the hospital. we get a few things ready in a panic (mostly diaper bag, a few books for DS, my phone charger).
we arrived at the hospital around 11:30 pm and explained what happened. I was checked. they took a sample of vaginal mucus and determined via microscopic inspection that it was not amniotic fluid. There were no signs that my water had broken. They said because of my history with a short cervix, they wanted to check it.
well this was the worst ultrasound. She didn't even ask me to empty my bladder first, which seems to be very routine. Then she made me undress with a sheet on top of me - she didn't leave the room. She inserted the probe and just left it there! She went back to her computer to do something, then back to the probe, then back to the computer. I was like WTF lady, can you remove this shit - no one else just lets it hang around inside me.
she was asking questions about what happened - I asked why she asked, and whether there were signs of something wrong. She said that the image was extremely different from the last. I asked about the actual cervix length and she kept giving vague answers like "it's more than 1 cm". I asked her countless times "WHAT IS THE ACTUAL MEASUREMENT". Eventually she said 4+cm of cervix but 2+ cm opened. I was baffled. I had no idea what this incompetent person was talking about.
luckily the on call high risk OB was more helpful. He confirmed that the length did decrease to less than 0.5 cm (I'm like what didn't the tech just say that, she obviously knew), and now it was very funneled/open. Thus they recommended steroid injections immediately and admission for monitoring until 28 weeks.
I met with my personal low risk OB's low risk OB colleague who agreed with the high risk OB's recommendations. So then i was admitted again.
by then, it was close to 2:30 am. DS was asleep on a bench with DH seated next to him. They went home. I waited around.
3:45 am or so, I got a room at labour and delivery because the antenatal unit was full. I received the steroid injection. I asked if it would hurt more than a regular needle? No? Oh but it did... only for 5 minutes though and then it was like it never happened.
And so it took me until close to 5 am to get some sleep. I woke up around 6:15 am, and 7 am, then eventually for good 8 am. I have been up since. Unable to sleep.
Thinking about this terrible situation. worried about every second, every off feeling.
and we wait again.
DH thinks we overdid it yesterday. We went to the mall where he pushed me in a wheelchair. DS sat on me a lot of the time, and at times I maneuvered the wheelchair with my feet or arms. maybe he's right.
we never found out if the fluid was DS peeing or some other fluid leaking out of me. Had that incident not happened, maybe I would still be home being overactive... who knows.
but we are back to taking each day at a time. Each moment at a time. Trying to reconsider what "happiness" is to me. What conditions are required for one to be "happy". And learning how to throw unrealistic ideals of "happy" out the window and realize what it truly takes to be happy.
I am so, so blessed to have such a beautiful family already. For now, I remain happy and grateful.
And I count the days.
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