today is the start of Day 3 of being at home, on leave of absence from work, trying to in bed as much as possible. Despite Tues and Wed being quite busy (with taking my parents out on Tuesday before they left to go home) and being in the hospital all morning, and getting home only around 2 pm yesterday), I am already getting somewhat disenchanted/depressed about being at home doing "nothing". It's not that I have nothing to do, but I am finding myself reading all sorts of things online that are just making me more paranoid
My OB never actually said to stay in bed as much as possible. She just always says to be reasonable, and rest often, limit walking/standing/lifting. But with all the scary things that we've read, and with the very high relative risk of giving birth at any moment, DH and I don't want to take any chances, so he and I prefer that I be on bedrest as much as possible.
having found online support groups and having friends as supports is nice, but when I tell people my situation, people who are familiar with it keep telling me to stay put, do nothing - someone was even surprised I went home from hospital. Then there are questions like - why am I not on progesterone injections? Why no cerclage? Why not more, more, more precautions? It makes me feel more and more paranoid, pushes me to be more and more cautious.
I think that paranoia mixed with the fact that DH worked until 5 am this morning, and then had to get up with DS at 7am to take him to daycare, while I was completely useless, really bothered me. I just stayed in bed because I wanted to continue lying flat - which made me feel even more guilty and terrible about myself.
It was almost better in hospital because I didn't have to think about these sorts of things - didn't have to actually be exposed as much to how people around me are busy, while I sit around and do nothing. I didn't need loved ones to help me because the staff took care of everything. I didn't have a choice but to be doing nothing in the hospital. Here I see what I could have been doing, what I would have been doing....
I don't mean to be depressing, but i did want to be real, and share how I'm feeling... I hear it takes about a week to get used to bedrest. So we will see.
Even though i have thought of so many things that I want to do in the next few weeks, so many that I won't have time to do them all - all I really end up doing is reading things online that are apparently making me feel worse. So next few days my goal is to stay off facebook (my main source of "support" on incompetent cervix but also the main source of anxiety) and focus on the other things I've planned like reading, knitting, drawing, painting things for the new nursery.
No comments:
Post a Comment