Since my second cervix length measurement at 19-20 weeks, around July 28, when funnelling was first seen, I have been on modified work duties. I have been so fortunate to have a compassionate and accommodating manager who supported me from moments after I found out.
But yesterday, I had a conversation with my occ health nurse at work that haunted me until this morning. The purpose of meeting was to discuss my modified workplan, but truly, the nurse wanted to ask me "basically we wanted to know, should you really be here [at work]?". She went on about the concern of "losing your baby" which really distrbed me and made me question my decision to continue working. But I explained that i had a very holistic and understanding OB who knew how important work was to my mental health and whose opinion I trust about the safety of continuing on modified duties. But then I am starting to doubt myself.
The nice thing at least, was she said "I've heard you are a workaholic, not just from one person. I hear you would still be working if you were on your death bed". Yeah can't argue that, lol.
But I started wondering.... Are they trying to get rid of me because I am a burden to them in that they now need to accommodate my special needs? Or are they truly concerned and I am putting my baby in unnecessary risk? Either way then I feel bad!!
I have heard bad things about this nurse, about her being cold, unempathetic, etc. After lots of reflection I realised I was disturbed because her wording of the question insinuated that I should not be at work, there was a judgmental tone to the question which made me feel like I was being criticised for making a decision that was putting my baby at risk. In the end I decided she probably meant well, but I guess she just lacked the tact to word her question or concern in a more sensitive manner.
Oh the doubts and the guilt and the mind games of pregnancy
No comments:
Post a Comment