but it's been a rough week.
yesterday, 3 pm, feels like 3 weeks ago. For my weekly ultrasound, the tech told me to apply fundal pressure in a particular way this time. She said to push downward from the top of my belly as though I am pushing my baby out, in order to mimic the pressure placed on the cervix when i am standing. I've never gotten clear instructions like that before. I did that. Measurement? 0.9 cm.
what a big difference. From applying fundal pressure properly.
So my OB checked with the high risk OB on call. They decided I should be admitted for monitoring. The high risk OB thought I should stay a few weeks. my OB said stay until Monday. She said I could opt for staying at home but the problem would be scheduling the frequent ultrasounds between now and Monday. So we decided to play it safe, my OB had already compromised by recommending a few days in hospital, rather than a few weeks. So we went with that.
and then i started bawling. I have never been away from my son more than about 4-5 hours. And now I face my first night away from him.
My OB said to remember, you are giving him the best gift, a healthy sibling. She told me not to feel guilty.
I cried in the car on the way home.
He looked so happy when we arrived home. He was eating happily and rambling random things as usual. We all spent time together. My partner got him ready for bed, my father stayed with him to get him to sleep.
And off we went back to the hospital.
We arrived at 8:30 pm. Triage sent us to the Antenatal unit. The antenatal unit said they have no beds, they don't know who I am. They sent me back to triage. At Triage, we waited until around 11:30 pm before we were seen by a resident. They have a room for me. Went back to Antenatal, waited about 45 minutes for them to prepare a room. By 1 am, I was in my pyjamas, lying in bed, having blood drawn, vital signs checked. And then left to turn and turn and turn in the cold noisy hospital room alone until I fell asleep around 2 .
I was feeling guilty for being away from my son, for not being there for him, and I felt guilty for my family having to do so much in my absence, felt guilty that I am not able to pull my weight.
Other than that, I hate to admit it, but I kind of like being in the hospital. Of course I feel guilty about that too. But since being a baby, I have only been admitted in the hospital when I gave birth. People come and take care of you, they bring your food, clean up afterwards. It's so stress-free. I don't deserve this.
But my OB agreed to write a note for work stating I am going off work after Friday Aug 26. It gives me 2 full work days to tie up loose ends before being off for a full 4 weeks, at least.
So work was a damn shit show today. And will be a shit show x1000 tomorrow.
And then I rest another few days. If the measurements get worse, maybe I stay longer. If the measurements get better, maybe I go home earlier. We wait and see.
And wait, and wait....
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